I remember clearly how, around 15 or 16, I had this belief: once you hit 40, you're definitely an adult. I looked at those who, in my eyes, were older, stronger, confident people, and I thought — to become that starting from this... you must definitely cross some invisible line at some point, and then you just 'know.'
Well, I'm (almost) 40 now.
I've learned that — sadly — it's not about age, or invisible lines to cross. Some people are already adults at 25 (very few, but they exist!), while many never become adults at all. It's surprisingly easy, in this cushioned world, to never grow up.
My definition of "adult" has changed too. It started as something vague like "a person who has it all figured out" (whatever that actually means). Now it's sharper, cleaner.
For me, an adult is someone who has decided — because it's always a choice — to stop acting on autopilot.
It's someone who can sit with emotions and dreams — the messy, inconvenient, overwhelming feelings — instead of running away from them. They don't try to be invulnerable. They accept that to live fully, you need to remain open to being hurt. Only through this emotional intelligence can they trust their inner compass.
It's the person who finds the courage to question their own thoughts and behaviors when these don't truly represent them. Even when everyone around them they love (family, partner, friends, coworkers, society) disagrees.
It's someone who takes full responsibility for their actions, dissatisfactions, and suffering — as well as their satisfaction and joy. They stop waiting for things to fall from the sky. They stop pointing fingers at others. They try to remove complaining and excuses from their vocabulary. Instead, they ask "what can I do about this?"
Today, being an adult doesn't mean you've achieved extraordinary results or rock-solid certainties. It's not connected to external success or social recognition… quite the opposite.
An adult is someone who knows their current limits — according to their own personal analysis — and feels they have the strength and courage to change voluntarily.
It's someone who has learned to navigate the conflict between intimacy and isolation. Someone who chooses relationships based on reciprocity rather than dependence.
To pull this off, they need to develop self-confidence, independence from others, joy in living, and the ability to be their own loving parent — meaning they don't depend on others for their emotional well-being: they can give themselves the gentle care they need.
It's someone who has learned that maturity isn't rigidity, but flexibility. The ability to be a child when it's time to play, an adult when you need to be autonomous, and a "parent" when it's time to care for others.
So no, personally, I'm not an adult yet. God no. But I'm trying!
